16 MONTHS

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I’m getting older, nearly 16 months now, and yes, I am becoming master of my world.

Starting to speak a few words in a couple of languages. I’m most proud of being able to say “yes” which is really a feat as mum and dad are always telling me “NO!”

I’m making headway against many of my old enemies that restricted my life. I’ve mastered learning to walk and now I can run! Doorhandles, buttons, and zippers are all no longer the obstacles they once were. Haven’t quite mastered keys yet though. Calling the lift here is not an issue and, if there's a convenient adult around to clamber up, neither is pressing 41 to get home. I can walk up stairs if there's a railing but, alas, going down still reliant on a helping hand.

I have defeated water and now go swimming in the pool here most days with dad (it’s a thing we do) and the big waves at Big Wave Bay are not an issue (dad reckons they weren’t very big but they were big for me. This is apparently a relative concept. Which makes no sense as only one relative was there. Relatively relative to the relative? Stupid language this English). Much to my surprise I believe i could actually learn to surf here. Need to swim before I can surf though,

Still working on mastering the parents. My plan is to kick and scream very loudly and whinge when I don't get my own way. It works sometimes. Think I’ll persevere with it...

I’ve been going to school 3 days a week since the start of June. Very competitive here so have to start early. Haven’t mastered school yet as apparently that takes a while.  It’s a lot of fun but, seriously, think I’ll be over it before my 20 years are up....

 Yes today I turn 18, if only 18 months. I think it’s time to break out of my parent’s protective bubble and go it alone.

I’m speaking more and more now, and in three languages, English, 粵 and gib廢b er話ish. Not sure what languages everyone else speaks because often, even when I’m speaking English or 粵, no one seems to understand what I want. Useless.

Although I’m learning a lot of new words I still struggle with the more abstract concepts, like colours. What’s the difference if the ball is black white or yellow? It’s still a ball. Why teach me to discriminate? Surely you shouldn’t judge a ball by its colour.

Also struggling with three words in particular the first being “Hello”. As far as I can tell this, and similar greetings,  describe no thing, no action, emotion,  feeling nor concept in any of the physical, theoretical,  emotional, fictional or religious universes.  Social conventions are very strange. I guess I’ll just have to wait until I’m indoctrinated and then, like the wise old grown-ups, I won’t think about how weird they are any more.

The other useless words people keep trying to teach me are “please” and “thank you” which are, obviously, completely unnecessary for me. Surely the reliance, dependence and gratitude expressed by these words is only necessary if the universe doesn’t revolve around you?

I’m still utilising the kicking and screaming technique on the parents. It works best outside our house as the unvoiced, and possibly imagined, disapproval of unknown and unimportant strangers undeniably adds weight to my performance. It’s the ultimate weapon. I don't pretend to understand why. It’s probably another social convention. Unfortunately the technique is not always successful. Maybe I should think about the possibility of considering trying the “Please” thing……

Hong Kong is still fun. Lots of playgrounds with things to climb on and to run around in and a lot of my sized friends from Australia have been over to visit recently which was great. Climbing on things is now my favourite pastime. climb on anything, stairs, chairs, tables, ladders, lounges, walls, dad. I’m learning new things all the time; new words, places, people, music (Wolfmother is sooooo much better than the wiggles). Dad got a basketball the other day which is awesome. It’s so big and heavy and bouncy, it really enhances my ability to break things around the house.

We went to china for a weekend and played in the water park which was cool (literally) and saw horses and elephants and White (there's that colour discrimination thing again) tigers! The tigers were around the hotel that is, not in the water park. Though would also have been cool (not literally). But anyway, I even had my cot in the same hotel room as mum and dad AND actually went to sleep!

I’ve also discovered how to put video on my site so there's a few here this time. All completely unedited as dad is too lazy and/or incompetent to do it properly but, hopefully, not too boring.

Anyway, been learning to drive my car. I can even do it here without a helmet and without getting arrested! There's a vid below of one of the early efforts where i was just learning to steer. Since then I’ve also discovered acceleration and breaking.

Cheers

These last 12 months I’ve explored my world, seen the moon, planets and stars. I’ve traveled round Asia. I’ve played with my parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins and friends. I’ve had experiences. I’ve learned. I can now walk run jump climb kick throw talk count hide ride smile laugh cry carry open close swim steer crash bounce bleed swing hit press push pull ask smell eat taste touch and, quite often, express myself. This year I not only learned to live but, for the first time, actually lived.

My parents are arbitrarily cruel. Sometimes they want me to kick, throw, run, climb, slide and other times, when I do the same things, I’m in all sorts of trouble. What’s the difference between climbing in the playground and climbing onto dad’s desk? Or up the questionably secured, yet unquestionably unbalanced overloaded and lethally heavy bookcase? Sometimes I’m encouraged, others punished. It’s just cruel. And, surely throwing food does less damage than throwing a ball?  But not allowed no matter how much fun it is. And, fun it definitely is. Cruel! Also on food, when were out somewhere and I get hungry they might give me a biscuit or a snack, but, at lunch or dinner time, when I’m supposed to be eating, they withhold them! Cruel.  And one time, this one time, with absolutely no provocation, they fed me Vegemite! What possible atrocities could I have committed to deserve such a thing?

I’ve still not got the hang of colours. I know all the words, blue, yellow red, green etc. but still don't know what they mean. When someone asks “what colour is that?” I just guess. Black, white and grey cover more than 90% of cars for example, and I’ve memorised the colours of things around the house. Sometimes I get it right and my parents are all “Wow! Yes! That’s right. You’re so smart Rhys.” Which is true for me, but, doesn’t say much for them.

All that aside I’ll be turning 21 soon and looking back it seems this last year has been the best of my, so far, short life and will also probably be the best of the rest of my life.

I mean, the first 6-9 months are a bit of a non-event. My personal highlights being being born, keeping my head up and rolling over but, since then, things have really started to happen.

These last 12 months I’ve explored my world, seen the moon, planets and stars. I’ve travelled round Asia. I’ve played with my parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins and friends. I’ve had experiences. I’ve learned. I can now walk run jump climb kick throw talk count hide ride smile laugh cry carry open close swim steer crash bounce bleed swing hit press push pull ask smell eat taste touch and, quite often, express myself. This year I not only learned to live but, for the first time, actually lived.

I’ve had so many new experiences involving so much fun and wonder, fear and triumph, and learned so many things that will be with me forever. I’ve spent more time with dad than I will in any other year and yet, I won’t remember any of it. I’ll forever have the skills, which are useful, but, sadly, never the memories, which were truly joyful.

But, that’s part of living I guess and as some old dude once sang “you can’t always get what you want…” I just hope I get what I need….and maybe a bit more.

Anyway, in case you’re wondering, yes, I’ve been to Bali too.

Cheers